The Tennessee Star confirmed on June 5 it obtained the journal recovered by the Metro Nashville Police Department (MNPD) from the vehicle of Audrey Elizabeth Hale after her devastating attack on the Covenant School claimed the lives of three 9-year-old children and three adults.
Apparently started by Hale in January 2023, the journal reveals how the killer spent her final months before she was slain by heroic police officers responding to the Covenant School on March 27, 2023.
The first dated journal entry by Hale was apparently written on January 15, 2023, but two entries written earlier in the journal may offer insight about the killer’s daily life.
“I feel like s*** cause I missed the gym on a Saturday… Again,” wrote Hale. To an unnamed person, Hale then wrote, “I guess I’m not near as consistent as you… (Her).”
Hale later wrote in an entry dated January 15, “If I ever cry all day, it’s cause I need your love.”
She added the letters P.A.P., the initials of her middle school basketball teammate Paige Averianna Patton. Hale wrote dozens of entries professing her love for Patton, who is now a Nashville radio personality.
January 15 was a Sunday, indicating Hale could have started writing in this journal on that date. Alternatively, Hale could have been writing about the previous week, indicating she began writing in the journal closer to January 8.
On the next page, Hale wrote about being the victim of an Internet scam in another undated entry. She later wrote another entry about being scammed and dated it January 16, though it is unclear if both entries refer to the same incident.
Though undated, another entry that was apparently written in January is Hale’s “Freelance Failure” list.
“You’ll always miss 100 [percent] of the shots you [don’t] take.” Hale wrote, “I took all of them and missed 99 [percent].”
Hale then listed five apparent efforts to secure freelance work or permanent employment using the skills she developed at the Nossi School of Art and Design, where she graduated in 2022. According to Hale, only one project came to fruition.
“My reality [equals] freelance won’t help s***,” wrote Hale.
In other entries dated January 16, Hale revealed that she selected the following day, January 17, to commit her attack on the Covenant School.
“Tomorrow is my last day on earth,” wrote Hale in one entry. On the next page, the killer wrote in another entry, “When it’s over, I’ll be gone and in a better place – I can’t wait… My faith is weak. God, forgive me.”
In the same entry, Hale wrote that she ate her “favorite meal – chicken nuggets [and] fries” and “listened to” a phone number listed as the National Suicide Prevention Helpline on the teenhelp.org website five times.
The next day, Hale wrote in the journal after she did not go through with the attack.
“Not leaving yet. I could do it,” wrote Hale. “I’ll wait as planned.”
Hale wrote in another entry, which is undated but also appears to have been written on January 17, that she then selected February 17 to attack the Covenant School.
While most entries in Hale’s journal are written in chronological order, a notable exception is the first entry dated February 2023.
Amid the series of journal entries written on January 16 is one Hale dated February 3, titled “Pisces Woman.”
In the short entry, Hale wrote, “all the nature that grows and prosper all the waters pure and sacred is exactly the place in your heart that should never be taken for granted. I love you.”
There is no identified recipient, and it is unclear why Hale returned to an earlier part of her journal for this entry.
Though Hale wrote many romantic entries about unknown recipients, in many other posts she shared romantic feelings for Patton, as well as complicated emotions about Sydney Sims, who also played with Hale on the Isaiah T. Creswell Middle School basketball team but died following a car accident in 2022.
Another significant entry is dated February 9. This seems to contain the first direct mention of transgenderism.
Hale declared, “Major blow to girls; I am a boy that has no penis.”
Born a biological female, Hale identified as a transgender man at the time of her attack.
While Hale wrote other entries in February 2023, the next to mention an activity or provide insight into her daily life is dated February 10.
In that entry, in which Hale referred to herself as “White Nothingness,” the killer revealed she struggled with keeping a consistent schedule to earn money by delivering groceries.
“It shouldn’t be a problem getting up at 7 every morning,” wrote Hale. “But unfortunately, for me, it is. I’ve missed several morning orders this week. I missed 3 today. God, whyyy?!?”
Hale continued, “I hate myself for not making myself get up. It’s money going to someone else who actually works consistently [and] gets more consistent pay.”
The killer seemed to suggest her preoccupation with death kept her from keeping a schedule.
“Not me,” wrote Hale. “I’d rather die hard than try to live a better life while suffering to do so.”
She continued, “I repeat my same patterns – can’t sleep routinely, or eat, or stick to be more strict on myself. Do I really not give a f***?”
After relating her father’s advice to “suck the marrow out of life,” Hale wrote about her frustrations with him two pages later.
“Turn the other way like I’m not here. I’m right there,” wrote Hale. “I hate when my dad loves on the cats; not me. He never once loved on me for years. Maybe like ever (as a child; maybe).”
She then claimed her father makes negative statements, and offered “he’s a loser,” “I hate movies like this,” and “I don’t care,” as examples.
This is also when Hale confirmed her desire to kill her father, potentially corroborating police documents which claim she detailed such fantasies to mental health professionals at Vanderbilt University Medical Center (VUMC), where she was a 22-year mental health patient.
A February 14 entry reveals Hale spent Valentine’s Day without a romantic partner.
“I hate Valentine’s Day,” wrote Hale. “My mom is the only love I have.”
Another significant entry is dated February 20, when Hale wrote a political rant about the rights of transgender people, gun owners and non-binary people. Hale did not provide context about what led her to write the rant, though the entry may provide insight about her mental state.
“I hate those s****** politicians,” Hale wrote. She later continued, “Disabled have rights, civil races have rights, LGBTQ have rights, gun owners have rights.”
In two entries dated February 21, Hale wrote about her experiences being greeted with male and female pronouns.
Though she did not offer details about being misgendered, Hale wrote that she was greeted using masculine pronouns at a Nashville comic shop.
“The guy who runs the comic shop is so cool and he has friendly customer service skills.” Hale wrote, “I like being called bud, bro, and man. It just feels directed 100 [percent] accurate to who I am as a guy inside.”
In an undated entry that was apparently written in February, the killer wrote the date March 27, 2023 for the first time, potentially indicating she selected the date sometime that month.
Hale also attended a public event headlined by Patton, under her stage name Averianna the Personality, on February 27. However, Hale did not write about her experience at the event until March 2.
She wrote, “The 27th was beautiful night, just like my brown girl. She looked so beautiful that night, I could not take my eyes off her.”
Hale continued, “Call it lust or pervertedness, I know who I am attracted to, and I can’t unchange that.”
Later in this entry, Hale appeared to suggest she was motivated to commit her horrifying attack on the Covenant School by a desire to gain infamy commensurate with Patton’s celebrity.
“Little does she know we will soon share the same fate.” Hale wrote, “She will live a legend and I will die a shooter – hopefully to become infamous.”
Two pages later, Hale wrote in a short entry dated March 8 of her “need” for “a trans doctor.”
Hale wrote, “this female gender makes me want to not exist… to be completely gone in physical form… off the face of the earth.”
In a later journal entry dated March 14, Hale revealed she consumed more than one Bud Light on either March 10 or March 11.
Police documents and photographs obtained by The Star reveal that Hale was prescribed at least five medications, including three anti-anxiety medications and the generic version of the antidepressant Lexapro.
Doctors generally advise against combining Lexapro with alcohol, and advise women to drink no more than one alcoholic beverage per day when on the antidepressant.
Hale decided to consume Bud Light about one month after the alcoholic beverage brand’s parent company, Anheuser-Busch InBev, paid transgender influencer Dylan Mulvaney to advertise its product in a disastrous ad campaign.
In a March 11 entry titled “My Imaginary Penis,” Hale wrote extensively about her gender identity before graphically describing heterosexual sex scenes she simulated using her stuffed animals.
Also on March 11, Hale wrote that she drove to a Nashville mall, where she perused t-shirts before buying stickers and a pair of boots for one of her stuffed animals.
In an entry dated March 13, Hale wrote an entry in which she said a now-deleted post to social media was actually a “suicide note” left for Patton.
On March 16, Hale wrote about visiting a local community center, which may be the same building she elsewhere described as a gym. Hale elsewhere described feeling as though she was pulled back to the gym each day despite her desire to attack the Covenant School.
In a loose leaf piece of paper, which was photographed by police and also obtained by The Star, Hale wrote a list of activities she hoped to accomplish between March 20 an March 26.
The list included a trip to a local comic book store, a video game Hale wanted to play, a series of movies to watch. Of the activities on the list, the only Hale did not leave a check mark next to was, “Listen to music (that I have not listened to yet).”
Hale’s birthday was on March 24, and the mother of Hale’s college friend told the press they spent March 26 together in an apparent celebration.
The killer’s final two entries are dated March 27, the date of her attack. In the first entry, Hale asked forgiveness from God, and revealed in the second entry that she “could have been caught” multiple times prior to the attack.
Hale also sent Patton a message using social media on March 27. The message informed Patton that of the earlier suicide note and suggested her death would make the news.
The killer wrote on the second to last page of the journal, “Remember me for the good things… Audrey.”
Both Star News Digital Media, Inc., which owns and operates The Star, and editor-in-chief Michael Patrick Leahy are plaintiffs in the ongoing lawsuits which seek to compel both the Metro Nashville Police Department (MNPD) and the FBI to release Hale’s full writings, including those some have called a manifesto.
Earlier this month, The Star published an FBI memo sent to MNPD Chief John Drake in May 2023 which “strongly” advised against releasing “legacy tokens” from killers like Hale. An FBI definition suggests the agency considers both the writings obtained by The Star and those sought in the lawsuits to be unfit for public release.
Though the FBI declined to confirm it sent the memo in a statement to The Star, it confirmed it sends such “products” to local law enforcement.
Since it obtained Hale’s journal and a tranche of police documents, The Star has published more than 40 articles including the killer’s own words and new details about the Covenant investigation.
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Tom Pappert is the lead reporter for The Tennessee Star, and also reports for The Pennsylvania Daily Star and The Arizona Sun Times. Follow Tom on X/Twitter. Email tips to [email protected].
Photo “Audrey Elizabeth Hale” by Nossi School of Fine Art. Background Photo “Covenant School Entrance” by Dclemens1971. CC BY-SA 4.0
