Covenant School killer Audrey Elizabeth Hale wrote about having “too much estrogen” and described herself as “a sad, lonely boy,” in the journal police recovered from her vehicle after her attack that claimed the lives of three 9-year-old students and three adults on March 27, 2023.
The Tennessee Star confirmed last Wednesday it obtained dozens of pages of Hale’s writings from a source close to the Covenant investigation, including several several entries where Hale wrote about her struggles with gender identity.
Hale, a biological woman, identified as a transgender male prior to her attack on the Covenant School.
In a lengthy, undated entry Hale titled “My Brain… This Life,” she wrote, “I’ve always been different. A lot of people run away from my difference like it is the plague or something.”
She later lamented, “Why did God make me this way? I feel wrong. I was born wrong.”
Further in the entry, Hale divulged, “I’m not eating 3 meals a day like I’m supposed to. Not on the job search like I’m supposed to (art job). I’ve been doing well at preparing myself to die.”
The entry is comprised of two full pages, with sporadic writings in the margins. On the second page of the entry, Hale discussed her struggle with her gender identity.
“My dreams cannot be here, so I must die. I feel bad. Hurt too much. Sad all the g******** time.” Hale wrote, “Either I have too much estrogen or am just a sad, lonely boy.”
She then wrote of her desire to exist “in the imaginary world,” and complained that in reality she feels “stuck in a body that is destined to rot someday. I hope that day is soon.”
Earlier in the entry, Hale wrote, “I’m 27, my youth is resting in the abyss. I want to be at rest with it.” Hale was 28 at the time of her attack.
Hale also wrote about her apparent inability to form social connections, relaying feelings of extreme loneliness in the journal entry.
“I have no one to talk to,” wrote Hale. “I talk to myself. I’m with myself all the time.”
Hale wrote numerous other entries in the journal about her struggle with gender identity, including one where she complained about being misgendered, and wrote, “I hate everything about my gender.”
In another entry, Hale declared herself the “most unhappy boy alive,” and wrote, “I will be of no use of love for any girl if I don’t have what they need: boy’s body / male gender.”
Hale also wrote a three-page entry titled, “My Imaginary Penis,” and in that entry detailed her struggles with gender identity at great length.
In that entry, Hale revealed she used stuffed animals, including a “stuffed boy doll,” to act out heterosexual fantasies that she would then photograph.
Multiple comment requests to Vanderbilt University Medical Center, where The Star confirmed Hale was a 22-year mental health patient, have not been returned, including inquiries that sought to determine whether she sought or received gender affirming care.
A list of medications VUMC prescribed to Hale did not include any transgender medications, but did include two anti-anxiety drugs and a common antidepressant.
Both Star News Digital Media, Inc., which owns and operates The Star, and editor-in-chief Michael Patrick Leahy are plaintiffs in lawsuits which seek to compel the Metro Nashville Police Department and the FBI to release all of Hale’s writings, including those some call a manifesto.
Last week, The Star published an FBI memo sent to MNPD Chief John Drake in May 2023. In their memo, the FBI warned MNPD against releasing “legacy tokens” from individuals like Hale.
An FBI definition suggests both the writings by Hale obtained by The Star and those sought in the lawsuits are considered “legacy tokens” by the federal agency.
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Tom Pappert is the lead reporter for The Tennessee Star, and also reports for The Pennsylvania Daily Star and The Arizona Sun Times. Follow Tom on X/Twitter. Email tips to [email protected].
Image “Audrey Elizabeth Hale” by Nossi School of Fine Art and photo “Schoolyard” by GeorgHH CC2.5.
